#5: Gnoblar Scraplauncher (Ogre Kingdoms)
Never seen these thing? Well, there's a reason. You see, the Scraplauncher is like Luigi and the Ironblaster is like Mario. This wonky little thing isn't all that terrible really, but it is severely overshadowed by it's big brother. On top of that, it's kind of an answer looking for a question. Particularly when you look at it's main function. The Scraplauncher, at the end of the day, is meant to be used to clear out mass infantry blocks that the Ogres do not like to deal with. A good idea, until you realize that Leadbelchers can do the job better, have multiple functions, and don't take points away that you could be spending on an Ironblaster(s). And this is a shame, because I absolutely love this model. I don't even play Ogres and I own one! Hell, I payed $50 to have it painted professionally! My Scraplauncher and my Troglodon are really good friends given the amount of time they've spent holding various papers down together. Now, you may see one if not several pieces on this list that you can argue are much more powerful war machines. Well that's because for the points and payoff you get, the GS ain't all that bad but it is a bit misplaced in its particular army book. It is just a tad underwhelming.
#4: Deathshrieker Rocket (Chaos Dwarves)
Now I know what you may be thinking, how can an army made infamous by their artillery have a piece that is in a Top 5 Worst List? Well, the problem is that this thing resides in the Special section of the codex. Along with the Iron Daemon. And the Infernal Ironsworn. And a whole host of other things out there that the Chaos Dwarves can use instead of this thing. What else kind that is kind of weird about this particular piece is that it's the closest thing to a generic cannon that Chaos Dwarves have, but it really doesn't touch even a generic Empire Great Cannon in terms of performance. Now it is cheap, and it's one Sorcerer-Prophet/Daemonsmith next to it from being actually pretty damned useful. But when you do that, you then begin to ask why you don't just bring another Iron Daemon or a Magma Cannon. This is also something I have to note to all people out there. Have you ever actually seen this model? I actually have never seen a model of this thing until I looked it up on Forgeworld's website. It's the red-headed step child of Chaos Dwarf artillery.
#3: Mortar (Empire)
Ah yes, yet another one of my favorite pieces making an appearance on the shit list. Now to be fair, with the rise of Elves int he current meta the Mortar has begun to get a little bit more attention as it can still crank out the hurt on those goddamned High Elf White Lion Hordes with the Banner of the Bullshit Dragon. It's basically a shorter ranged cannon that shoots a large round template that hits at Strength 2 (Strength 6, D3 wounds under the hole) and Armor Piercing. This makes it really effective at dealing with basic rank-and-file Core infantry that are cheap and very plentiful. Against infantry heavy armies of Skaven, Vampire Counts, Tomb Kings, Goblins, Elves, and other Empire players this thing can be pretty useful. However, it has a couple of disadvantages. First off, it's a mortar which means that it is designed primarily to lob large explosive rounds at medium to short range for maximum effectiveness against infantry. So when combats start piling up or you're going up against a Gun-Line style army the Mortar can get very unwieldy very quickly. Second, it is in the same Special section as such powerhouses as the Great Cannon, Demigryph Knights, Greatswords, and Pistoliers. All of the aforementioned choices are much more tactically adaptable and can crank out a lot more punishment. The best thing to do if you are hellbent on running a Mortar(s) in your Empire army (just like me!) is to take a Level 4 on Shadow and debuff the shit out of your targets. Otherwise, this big boy is cool as all hell but I must put it at #3 sadly enough.
#2: Goblin Spear Chukka (Orcs and Goblins)
One would not think that the Orcs and Goblins would be a very shooty army. However, if you take a look at most of their artillery pieces, the Rock Lobba and the Doom Diver, they are actually petty damned awesome! True, they have some of the worst miscast charts on the planet, but they can crank out the punishment. Except for this one. I'm not going to lie, Bolt Throwers as a whole do not appeal to me as a player. Unless you're hellbent on having a way to take out a Daemon Prince or character mounted on a Dragon (maybe) in the Shooting Phase, then I just don't see the application for them. Now, there is only one reason that this POS Bolt Thrower is #2 and not #1. It is CHEAP! Oh my God is this thing ridiculous! Even if you upgrade it and give it an Orc Bully (which isn't a half bad idea if you have the points to spare) it's still punishingly cheap. Now, it has a rather bad habit of exploding and more often then not it's simply not going to earn it's points back, but much like the Bretonnian Trebuchet there is just something about the amount of damage potential over cost that just makes it appealing. Much less appealing than other Special options, but still not a complete right off. Most of the time.
#1: Repeater Bolt Thrower (High Elves)
Yup, here she is folks! The absolutely worst artillery piece in the game! Now don't get me wrong, it's in my Top 10 Thing I Hate About High Elves list for a reason. A personal, nonsensical reason, but a reason nonetheless. When compared to every other artillery piece in the game currently, the High Elf Bolt Thrower comes in dead last. And for all of those who seem to take issue with my vendetta against High Elves (Nick Fenske, I'm talking to you bro!), I apologize for putting two High Elf units at #1 on a Top 5 Worst List twice in a row. However, hear me out! Compare this thing to the other Bolt Throwers in other books. The Reaper Bolt Thrower, the Spear Chukka, the Dwarven Bolt Thrower, what do they all have in common? They all come out of the Special section of their books! Where is this thing? The Rare section! Now, at the very least this thing is not the worst thing that comes out of the High Elf Rare section, in fact if I could have a Bolt Thrower in the Rare section of my Lizardmen book, I could die a happy man. As it is however, it has to compete with the Frostheart Phoenix and when comparing the two, I know which one I would take every time. Plus, High Elf shooting is good enough to stand on it's own without the aid of a war machine. Now you might saying, "Jacob! How can Strength 3 30" bows compare to a Bolt Thrower?" Well, guess what, that horde of archers is an Okkam's Mindrazor (or Wyssan's Wildform if you're less bold) away from becoming the shooting unit from hell. Plus, think about it this way. What else in your Core section (besides Silver Helms and Reavers) are you possibly going to be fielding anyway besides either Archers or Sea Guard? More than likely you're also going to be fielding a caster on Shadow, if you're not going the High Magic route. So, it's a more natural fit in any list that a Bolt Thrower. My point is that unlike other armies that have access to artillery, High Elves don't really need it. So I guess my ultimate question is; why take a Bolt Thrower in a High Elf army? If you have a good reason, please comment below because I don't play High Elves myself so I would like to know the answer!
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