Top 5 Favorite Armies

So you've heard me mention Bretonnians and Lizardmen a lot, but what other armies do I think are worth writing about? Well, read this and find out. Mostly I'm posting this to make people laugh at my choices, because when I put it up I think several people will collapse in complete and total hilarity. So, without further ado, my Top 5 Favorite Armies. Note that the competitiveness of this army is not the primary reason for this list. It's more like a personal list so that my few readers can get to know my tastes a little more so as to know when I'm being biased.

#5: Ogre Kingdoms
You will hear me rant and wail on about Ironblasters, Leadbelchers, and the other busted stuff in this army. However, as much as I hate the stuff in this army and all the broken shit in it, I cannot deny that this was indeed the first army I learned to play with. Yes, before Lizardmen and Bretonnians, Ogres were my first love. Dave Eiler, if you're reading this, I can never repay you for the kindness and patience you showed me because I probably had you explaining the Magic Phase over 100 times! Regardless, this was the first army I ever played and it will always hold a special place in my heart. Plus, I love the fluff about the Ogres. Their entire motivation for doing anything is food. An army modeled after my own heart! Why do they start wars? Food. Why do they hire themselves out to other races to be used as mercenaries? Food. Why did they eradicate the civilization of the Giants? Food. God bless these guys! Plus, I just love the reason that they fight. Hit enemy with club, enemy dies. Simple, effective, and deadly. Something that in this era of Elven domination I fear often gets left behind. Just having a huge horde of big, fat, mean, monstrous infantry is just a beautiful sight. Also, I can't help but admire the models in this army. They are beautiful as they are varied. Some of the best models in my opinion are the Maneater models, specifically the Ninja and Pirate Ogres. In terms of gameplay, Ogres are not pushovers in any phase of the game. While I think they're an army based mostly around combat and movement, they're access to some pretty good lores and black powder weaponry makes them as dangerous from a distance as they are up close and personal. While I've played a lot of Ogre armies over the past few months and learned to hate them with a burning passion, I can't truly hate them as much a Elves. Nothing can make me hate anything more than elves. If I had more money coming in, I might consider making a small fluffy 3000 point army of Ogres just for fun games. Unfortunately, the pizza business does not generate enough capital to do so!

#4: Dark Elves
I know, I know, I hate Elves. I hate all of them, with the exception of the Dark Elves. Why? Because my girlfriend plays them and absolutely adores the army. Given that I'm the one who makes her competitive lists (the ones she makes are laughably fluffy), I've started appreciating a lot of the things Dark Elves can do. Plus, I love their fluff. High Elves be like: Let's make beautiful music and art, and sing as we prance about in the meadow! Dark Elves be like: BLOOD ORGY!!! How can you fault them for the love of total slaughter and pursing selfish interests? The models are incredible, if tedious to put together to the point of making me cry under my sheets crying; "No more spiky armors! No more spiky armors!" over and over again. I also like how almost all of their units are semi-imitations of High Elf models. Lothern Sea Guard = Black Ark Corsairs. White Lions = Executioners. Phoenix Guard = Black Guard. I've been playing a lot with them recently, so I've gained a new appreciation for having army wide ASF. Compared to Initiative 1 Saurus, it's like being in a different universe. Witch Elves are absolutely insane being Core choices now, and to be honest my favorite unit is the Sisters of Slaughter. I love taking a unit of these chicks to slow down enemy cavalry and/or monster cavalry and give myself some more shooting. Regardless, my hated for Elves remains the same, but I do apprecaite Dark Elves for all the stuff that they can do. Props to you GW, you made me like an Elf army. That, and the woman I'm living with would skin me if I ever said anything bad about her favorite army. Honey if you're reading this, I love Dark Elves, even if I make fun of their Toughness sometimes.

#3: Tomb Kings
Now you may roll around on the floor laughing. Go ahead, I'll wait while you stop... Done now? Awesome. Tomb Kings are definitely a victim of GW's inability to balance an early army book in a new addition. While not quite on the same level of Beastmen in terms of competitive ability, TK's are basically just an army of unfortunate circumstances. In 7th edition, they were without a doubt the worst army in the game. With more holes in their book than Swiss cheese, a lot of TK players were beginning to feel discouraged that their army would ever see the light of hope again. Some people even gave up on the army all together, selling them or just putting them on an abandoned shelf next to their 8-tracks and Member's Only jacket. That all changed when the 8th edition rules came out, along with several new 8th edition army books. One of them being Tomb Kings. All around the world, Tomb King players rejoiced when they opened their books, seeing many of the issue that had plagued them before gone or mitigated to a point that it no longer mattered. However, that joy lasted until they realized other armies got new books. Other armies like Ogres and Empire. Tomb Kings went from crap to a dirty urinal in the space of an edition. However, the models are so damned cool! While a lot of people get turned off by the often disgusting Vampire Count models and just plain fucked up Daemons models, Tomb Kings are a lot easier on the eyes. The Egyptian theme is cool enough as it is, making the army very much based around Chariots, Archers, and lots and lots of magic. The models are easy to paint, easy to put together, but still very handsome as a whole. With the exception of the Bone Giant (I know it's called the Bone Colossus or something, but it's always going to be called a Bone Giant by me) and some of the special characters. Again, this army is by no means in the top 5 in terms of competitiveness, but it's still an impressive looking army with a lot of cool things that it can do.

#2: Bretonnia
I have always loved the stories of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, even when I first read them as a kid, I had daydreams (mostly in class) of riding around on a horse rescuing damsels and slaying monsters and dragons. Years later when I started playing the game, I was between Lizardmen and Bretonnians. The only reason I choice Lizardmen first was because Bretonnians looked scary. Not scary looking or scary to play, but absolutely terrifying to paint. I hate painting, the only reason I have a Bretonnian army now is because my younger brother and girlfriend love to paint models. People who see my Bretonnians after seeing my hilariously horrendously painted Lizardmen army wonder if aliens abducted me and replaced me with an identical android. While I'm not going to claim that they're my primary army, Bretonnians have always been something I've loved and adored. People think I'm crazy when I take my Bretonnians to a tournament, but when they see what they can do when the list is made right they immediately change their minds. The face of an Empire or Chaos Dwarf player when your Lord Heroic Killing Blow's their Steam Tank or Iron Daemon is priceless. My friend Will insisted he and I take a picture of our opponent's faces when my Bretonnians and his Beastmen actually beat their list. He's a bit more intense in this subject then I am. But regardless, I love the feel, look, and just plain existence of this army. Call me a sucker for a hard luck case, but my love for this army will never end.

#1: Lizardmen
Lizardmen are one of those completely middle of the road armies in my opinion. They've got heavily armored infantry and skirmishing guerrilla troops. They've got excellent magic and quite a few units that can cross the board rather quickly. You need it, they've got, which made them a very good starting army for me. I know that a lot of new players think that the two armies in the Island of Blood (Skaven and High Elves) are the best armies to start off with, but that's really only half true in my opinion. High Elves are a great basic army. They've got all kinds of units and models, they're popular so they'll always have a new book and models, and they're able to compete very effectively with very little of a learning curve. Skaven, not so much. I'll get into this a little more in the post that's the corollary to this one, but I can tell you this much. Teaching a new player that loosing troops by the bucket loads because of internal mistakes is not okay. Lizardmen, just like High Elves in that regard, but also not an army that everyone's familiar with. Everyone's familiar with the Book of Hoeth. Not everyone knows what the Cube of Darkness is. Plus, they're one of the easy armies to mass assemble. Apart from the Slann and any special models you may want to have, you can find these models and units at almost any store that carries GW products. Lizardmen are also able to be any kind of army you want. While you're almost never going to find Elven infantry beyond T3, you're going to find that all over the Lizardmen book. At my store when people see me coming in, they start taking bets whether I've brought Lizardmen or Bretonnians. Not to say it's my signature army, but when it's not a tournament, there's a 60% chance I'm bringing the Lizards out to complete the plans of the Old Ones.

So that's my Top 5 Favorite Armies, and if you don't like them keep in mind that this list is based off of personal experiences more than anything else. Tune in next time to the Top 5 Armies I'd like blown into tiny smithereens and then raped by a pack of rabid wolverines.